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submitted by elvis27JJul to u/elvis27JJul [link] [comments]


2019.06.06 19:26 bipolarbroINFJ But My Grindr Love Story WAS DIFFERENT.

*Note: this is entirely way too long and detailed - you’ve been warned. BUT, as a consolation prize, there’s a gift at the end.
Plot Synopsis: Two dusty, ill-forgotten bros connect after a rigorous & thorough matchmaking process (read: Grindr); what ensues is a frenetic, chaotic, + turbulent whirlwind of romance, passion, and eternal happiness (read: I’m here posting this now). Will the protagonist blatantly ignore ominous signs or follow his heart in search of his true Prince Charming (read: non-fuckboy to enjoy this d)?
But, Seriously (Facts): In other words, I’ve enjoyed/despised the past 2.5 weeks with this roller coaster engagement. For my background, I was closeted until my sophomore year of college, greatly enjoying my athlete status & fraternal affiliation. I conditioned myself very early (read: @ 11 it wasn’t a dick that taught me my sexuality - it was a recurring dream of me coming home after work as an adult, opening the door….to the backside of a man doing dishes - lmao - it was also then and there I intentionally chose to not disclose/enact upon my attraction not to jeopardize all the existing friendships/bonds I had ).
*Please disregard the pubescent me who was clearly into perpetuating gender roles/norms unknowingly*
I only say this because this would be my only 2nd “relationship,” (read: the first one was actually legit, I promise!) despite me turning 30 next month. While it was my senior year of college (the frat brahs were questioning if I was actually gay bc I still did nothing with guys for 1.5 afterward) into early adulthood (long-distance), even my ex was often anxious because he felt “I didn’t know myself well enough, uncomfortable in my own skin, and offered very little” (read: it took me a year to go down and I didn’t bottom though we both identified as tops). Inevitably, his predictions rang true when I was unfaithful living away and then finally realized more insights into my types, the options out there, and realizing it’s pretty fun to be out and proud. He’s a doctor now, “gorgeous” to the whole world minus me, and taught me - others’ POV of perfect men for me seldom align with what I want. *The important thing to note is that relationship started after a 1-night stand and WE RAPIDLY accelerated our relationship (lived together a month in, one person loaned $8,000 within 2 months…)
Easily, my infidelity and problematic/unideal partnering qualities sparked much reflection and change throughout my 20s. Because I’m so highly aware of my shortcomings, it’s often what prevents from trying to actually pursue viable relationships; nonetheless, I’ve also patiently awaited the opportunity to showcase what I, now, would do if committed to someone else.
Don’t get me wrong - I’ve had my ho phase….it was just in high school/college…...all friends with benefits……
…...who happened to be straight men (read: I still didn’t go down on them, let them explore their curiosities). Ugh, it took me too long to realize it’s a fun hobby, but never a winning game or worthwhile strategy. But honestly, I am someone who catches feelings way too soon so that’s why I mostly avoid one night stands, because I’ll be that guy.
Thus, I’ve had to rectify my fatal attraction with fuckboy tendencies. Cool, sounds like most other men in their 20s. Now enter: at 25 I was diagnosed with severe Bipolar (type 1: prolonged episodes of manic/depression), major depressive disorder, anxiety, and ADHD. All while my mother passed away, I lost my beloved profession-teaching (Teacher of the Year 3 years, fired the 4th bc of bipolar), and then upon finally moving back (read: humbly swallowing my pride out of desperation), my dad/stepmom split, little brother arrested & in jail for child pornography, and other siblings moving out of the country. No big deal.
Bipolar is legit intense and has fucked me and my life up for the past 4.5 years learning how to adjust, manage, and optimize best possible outcomes ------ sounds easy if you simply take medicine, right?! - no. I’ve fluctuated weight (180-140-190-175), can’t sleep without 6 pills, sex drive borders hyper-constant to non-existent, and oh yeah, now I work overnight (read: bipolar folks are the Chia Pets for sunlight). Would you guess most people aren’t interested in people who are moody AF, fickle/unpredictable AF, constantly change AF, and can experience mental-emotional-physical-psychological symptoms simultaneously or successively!
It wasn’t until last year that I finally emerged out of depression and finally experienced positivity again. It wasn’t until this year that I finally experienced happiness, peace, and elation post-diagnosis. Thus, I assumed NOW is the time to try (read: tried sporadic hookups here and there but the buddy wouldn’t cooperate).
100% I hate dating apps and online sites because I earnestly don’t have a true type other than being butch. I build attraction to others via connection, personality, and interactions - humor, sarcasm, and cracking jokes win me over. All the aforementioned hookups have been with some home runs (read: others approved), while plenty wasn’t. Because you can only glean so much hearty discussion via these outlets, it often falls flat.
Now, Back to the Story: So, it was a huge deal that A) we actually communicated exhaustively on Grindr, B) actually met up and hooked up, C) I stayed the night and it was dope. Similar to my only other schema of a connection, the fact we progressed equally as quickly resonated as something “positive,” in my eyes. Therefore, for the past 18 days, 17 have been at his place, and all time was spent with one another minus our work commitments. Already have credit card information, all computer passwords, got a guest pass and garage spot - you know, the usual whole 9 yards in blossoming gay relationships!
Ironically, through this encounter, I realized actual new insights into my potential type: “broken,” he’s getting a divorce in 2 weeks (to me: my abusive childhood and broken home resonates with this - and I feel broken), older - he’s 7 years my senior (read: daddy complex?), a vers-top (read: he still sucks the d, though I tried once!), and Southern + sassy (went to school at UNC then lived in TX though growing up in MD). He was the first to openly accept and inquire about bipolar (my biggest insecurity), anticipates+supplies my next beer, and enjoys bong rips like I do all day erryday (no one IRL minus select few know my green envy). Because I drink 4-8 beers regularly (read: daily), his vodka shenanigans were “relatable,” and “totally understandable.” (*Note: we both may or may not have DUIs as well - but we don’t have problems).
As you see, these are oddly specific - and until him - I never once actually weaved and pieced all these known individual components together. As my only humble brag in this entire masterpiece, I am a biracial (half white-black thought I get every OTHER ethnicity possible - Korean, Vietnamese, Mexican, Puerto Ricans, Cuban, Dominican, El Salvadorean) guy who apparently others find more attractive than fugly. Thus, this came in handy while closeted (read: my dad still resents me for NOT marrying my high school ‘sweetheart’), being in a fraternity (read: I’ll steal yo girl, but not hit it just walk her home), my societal acceptance (read: fortunate to never be diminished for my orientation), and apparently, exotic eye candy at clubs, bars, locker rooms, and apps)! This is only specified because I DON’T SEE MYSELF in the light others do and/or attribute to me. Don’t mistake it for non-confidence or self-assuredness, it just means I’m quite insecure and have always aimed at success/achievement/performing to what others say/want/need. Lastly, as an INFJ (read; 16personalities.com) - a rare Pokemon type - those are the most extroverted introverts highly intuitive but seldom commit to things because of their always running mental.
Finally, the point: even in this short time, we’ve had several identifiable and problematic occurrences that I need help in my discernment and processing from outside opinions.
  1. Inconsistency:
They are a divorcee - the story being “ex was abusive, now they have PTSD, a big deal). Yet, whenever there’s a disagreement, I “remind them of him,” despite me never once yelling, being aggressive/antagonistic, using an elevated/pointed tone, nor name-calling/insults/shade. If you ask for a calm man who is into conflict resolution and peaceful diplomacy, why are you refuting it or simply not-acknowledging it?
  1. Temperamental:
Ghosted me for a full day despite making plans simply beforehand. Because I work overnight, he told me to come over (door usually unlocked,) but this time it’s locked and he would admit he just ignored me because “he knew he was falling in love already.” We talked the next day, everything worked out, and life resumed. It was shady, obnoxious - but simply unnecessary. Just say I’m busy, I have plans ----- the only reason it strikes a further chord is because he specifically demanded I do not ghost him ever.
  1. Inconsistency Pt. 2:
After a week in (read: we regularly exchange ‘I love you,” exchange gifts, plan a Toronto trip), he inquires then suggests I delete the ever-beloved Grindr (read: I only use it when I’m waiting for my Adderall refill - it’s the only 2-5 days my buddy works at his best) - it was easy and simple. Additionally, when I was on my phone ‘too long,’ he complained; fast forward, when he’s furiously texting the whole world one morning (read: I get 1-word responses & it lasted for 2 hours), I started to leave after feeling ignored. He got mad and said I was excessive - go figure, when his phone was sitting down, of course, there’s Grindr up with nudes. I’m sincerely not the jealous type and know he enjoys my lovin’ + we spend all day every day together, but it’s the principle and once again - I’m just looking for consistency or not being hypocritical.
  1. The Closing Act
All of this is being written, because sadly last night, I awoke (read: in his bed, sprawled out, stuff everywhere with his dog on me) to him fighting with his friends (read: 1 ‘female friend’ showed his nudes to her party) and of course him on Grindr sitting on the balcony. Long story short, I subtly remarked, “Maybe your friends are right” after he dismissed 30 minutes of appeasing. That was game, set, & match as he promptly erupted and demanded I leave immediately (read: it took me 20 minutes to pack all my shit while stunned). After a few more I hate you, Leave me alone, and Never speak to me again across text + FB - I was defriended and blocked on every channel minus email.
I’m Only Human: I originally sought to compose this because I thoroughly love lurking and feeling a resonance with so many situations shared. Because I never thought (read: now, still do) something real would be on my horizon, I didn’t think my story would be shared. I’ll admit - after the ghosting, I really freaked out and it was my first major mood episode of 2019 (read; should’ve been warning sign#1). I’ll also admit, I never assume something quality would come from Grindr, I am the relationship-type who means things quickly bc it’s so rare, ugh we had sex so now I’m hooked, and in typing this I WISH it would make it that much easier to move the fuck along. But, no, it’s been on my mind the past 18 hours, I’ve tried to concoct ways to both justify him/us (read: it’s hard), and it’s just not as simple to stay in my lane and be happy.
I truly enjoy and believe in the highs that we’ve shared and cultivated in some respects. However, I’m more uncool with the aforementioned facts. Please a) just show me some love/distraction/attention, b) some SENSE INTO ME, c) some humor to pep up, and/or d) reach out if any of this resonates with you (read: I know no other gay men living with a serious mental health condition that owns it and doesn’t feel limited by it).
Of course, this retelling could have hints of bias or partial memory, but I actually pride myself on being objective, self-aware, and attuned with being accurate/clear storytelling. When you’re bipolar - you’re always told YOU’RE crazy, disillusioned, disconnected, and selective - therefore not only would responses be validating/affirming, but also am I over-reacting, looking too far into things, the actual problematic one, or I am being too critical? Ugh, if only I wasn’t out of a certain something as well….
*J/k no gift bro. But good looking out.
*AMA if you want. Just wanna chat with some cool dudes.
submitted by bipolarbroINFJ to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2013.04.17 18:29 owlu Are you single? The Grid magazine is looking for people for its new dating columns

Via Kate Carraway (writer at The Grid- this was written on her facebook so there's no direct link):
Attention Toronto people:
Starting sooooon, I will be doing two new columns for The Grid, and I want YOU or your single friends to be involved. Cool? Cool.
The first thing is called "Grid Dates." It will be replacing my now-two-year-old advice column "Thirtyish" on the back page of the magazine. Each week, "Grid Dates" will feature a different, single Torontonian's dating profile - online comes to print! What! - including a photo, all of the usual questions you'd see in a dating profile, as well as some more interesting, more revealing stuff. So this will be partly just fun (like our "Dating Diaries" column) and partly instructional and demystifying for our readers who need help with their own profiles, and partly A WAY TO GET A DAAAATE! Basically, it is a huge free advertisement for yourself. If you want to get involved email [email protected].
The second thing is called "Hookups." It will be a weekly online column based on our very, very popular "We Hook You Up" feature in the annual "Dating Diaries Issue." (See the link below for a good example of how it goes down.) I will create the set-ups myself, and as my friends can tell you, I am very very very good at this and have several marriages under my matchmaking belt! Each week I'll send two single Torontonians on a fun, FREE date somewhere in the city. We are partnering with PR firms and date venues, so all you have to do is show up and have fun, and then tell me all about the date the next day. If you want to get involved, email [email protected]. (I especially want to hear from straight guys, and gay and lesbian peeps.)
There will totally be crossover between these two columns, and maybe even past "Dating Diaries" or "Dating Diaries Issue"s. You can be involved in any/all of the columns.
PLEASE share this with your friends and friends-of-friends! Toronto can be a cold, tough city for loooooove so The Grid and I are going to do everything we can to inspire some romance. Anyone, anytime can shoot me an email with questions or whatever, here or at [email protected].
http://www.thegridto.com/timewasters/dating-diaries/jamie-and-jessica-go-to-dinne
submitted by owlu to toronto [link] [comments]


2012.06.17 22:11 frontbot 9pm Sun 17 Jun 2012 - /r/iama

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submitted by frontbot to frontiama [link] [comments]


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